September 22, 2012

"not uncommon"

“For the first time, she did want more. She did not know what she wanted, knew that it was dangerous and that she should rest content with what she had, but she knew an emptiness deep inside her, which began to ache.” (Iain Pears)

Coming from a generation that is always so good in praising freedom, individualism and self-fulfillment, I definitely thought to be on the safe side. Doing what I want, following those dreams in my head, and taking one or the other rain check in between. Fully aware of the risks and in almost total control, of where I am heading. At least it looks like that, if it wasn't for those little attacks our heart suffers from time to time. Those sudden and intense cuts, out of nowhere. Cuts that might leave you stunned, sometimes with tears, but at least wondering. They can happen any time and they'll remind you of long forgotten longings, of fantasies that you've neglected casually. And then, all over sudden something triggers them unexpectedly. And tonight, they've caught me. Kind of hard.

Of course, this did not happen for the first time. And of course, I always knew I wasn't safe.


  1. and it is strange how out of the blue this always happens. and how intense the emotions.

  2. oh always happends when you think you're okay and doing fine... I know what you mean: something hit me 5 weeks ago and I'm still struggling with it, together with tears and a lot of wondering;-) I hope you're doing okay....

  3. So poetic. you are so good in writing.
    I enjoy reading your words a lot.