July 05, 2013

on screaming out loud and after

Over the last three days I have been tied to my computer; 10 hours a day, no painting, no creating, no fun it seems. Well, it has been for good and for happy reasons, but still, coming today I was so fed up with it; I could have climbed up the walls. What made it even more tricky, was the fact that the printer refused to print, the internet still sticks to an unstable mode and that every thirty minute, someone wanted something from me. The phone, Skype, the windows. Don't get me wrong, I choose to live in the Fishbowl and stick to an Open Door Policy, and it is good. But sometimes it simply gets too hard to focus and to get the work done, one bit after another. Yes, I know, this isn't the first time, me writing about this topic, and probably it will not be the last. It kind of feels like a process, which at the end (if there is anything like an end to things like this) might result in a change of me or of the circumstances, I live in. Today the result of me being super annoyed and stressed out, was me acting quite harsh with people I actually like a lot. And that I have ended with a big bag of cherries, with delicious cake, homemade cookies and with the best cappucino in town. Delivered right here, to my desk. Now, I am feeling absolutely loved and a bit ashamed too. And I hear myself saying':"It is a process, it is a process."

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  1. dear annton
    you are sharing openly your so called weak moments.
    i appreciate that. we all have them, but we might not want to admit to it.
    i recognize what you write from my perspective. living in a community with people all around and being a freelancer is sometimes very hard to combine. feelings of my private&(at times work) space being invaded happens very often.
    and living close to people and therefor having many direct relationships also sometimes means me bringing out the sides i am less proud on to those people. and it is a process! all the time. dealing with it. accepting. breathing through. drawing borders. etc etc.

    your cake looks delicious!
    big friday hug,
    now wine and hard boiled eggs, that is what i dream of! :)

    1. dear sara, thank you for your lovely words! by reading them, I have felt truly hugged. those weak moments; sharing, actually makes me feel stronger. and it helps, to get over the weakness. ready to start new. today is a complete different story, but I know, putting boundaries and trying to stay focused will be a challenge, sooner or later, again. a sunday hug back!