April 18, 2013

on knowing, but not

As most of you know, the Fishbowl is a bit of a public place. With it's big shop windows and our Open Door policy, we'll get a lot of visitors. Neighbors and friends are most welcome to stop by for a coffee or for a chat, and we do have the monthly studio dinners on top. This is the lifestyle we have chosen intentionally and we love all of this interaction. I actually couldn't think of anything more inspirational than people and I have no plans at all, on changing our routine. Once in a while though, there is a down side, or let's rather call it a little side effect, to this kind of lifestyle. The more open we'll approach people, the more welcoming we are, the more open they tend to react. Sometimes we'll get to know about their deepest secrets, their hidden dramas and they'll entrust us sides of their life, that should probably no be shared with, for example, your neighbors. This is when it gets tricky. Over the five years of living in this neighborhood, I did develop strategies to deal with such manifestations; I have learned to stay emphatic and at the same time, to distant myself from people who are coming too close. More importantly, I have learned, to safe my privacy from too much exposure. The part, I am still having a hard time dealing with, is when people regret having been so open. And at times, like today as you might have guessed, I am getting really angry about such attitude. Don't call me nosy, when you have told me too much, of what you feel comfortable with. I am not the one with an issue here, only because you feel ashamed. Simply deal with your insecurities for yourself, we have all been there, and try not to project them on me. It wasn't me asking for your story, but it is definitely not me, you can blame for telling it. It is not me judging you, it is nobody else but you. Just forget about it and come over for another coffee, next time, and smile a little.

8 comments:

  1. amen. I noticed it with myself. the second I stopped judging my own every move and thought I got much better at not judging others or feeling judged by them. hang in there :)

    xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will, of course, hang in there. take a huge dose of green and explode, once in a while. it helps ;-) xxx

      Delete
  2. Hi Annton Beate,
    it sounds if the fishbowl becomes a little pilgrimage site of the neighbourhood and you are their prayer...
    Take care of you, you are allowed to have privacy.
    Greetings, Ria from Soest

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, ria, it kind of is like that (minus the prayer). and, as I have written, most of the time I love it. and then again, maybe it is a lesson for me to learn ;-) have a wonderful weekend!

      Delete
  3. Oh I know what you mean! You're handling it very well, to try to keep your distance and only listen. I have this effect on people as wel: they tell me really fast their problems, even if I don't know them very well... maybe they trust me or I just listen very good. My problem is that I often take them home with me and then they have already forgot about it! The most important is that you take care of yourself!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much, celine. one day, we'll need to have this coffee; we might have a lot to tell each other ;-) until then, I am doing my best to take care, which is the hardest part in life it seems. have a wonderful weekend!

      Delete
  4. what a great space you offer others. i must visit you one day....

    as for people like that, well, everyone has to live with themselves and the choices we make, and so we use justification to make it easier. a lot of times it ends up being a scapegoat. a person like that is in fear, it is a sad place to be in.

    send out love - create your boundary.

    so intrigued by the expression on 'her' face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh, I would love to have you over!

      and you're right, a thought that didn't occur to me that easy. I want to offer this space and I won't let it go for people, who cannot handle it. it is my choice. and for the boundaries, probably the challenge, I still need to work on a little more.

      the drawing btw. is a selfportrait ;-)

      Delete