January 30, 2012

"behind business"

Having spent a good part of the weekend, occupied by the inner life of an almost dead computer, does not appear overly interesting. Even when the machine has been the present by a good friend. Despite from a little walk around the block, there hasn't been a lot of movement either. Waking up to a sunny Monday, crispy blue skies and only five minutes to boot the machine, is a whole different story though. Thank you, my friend. Finally, I can go back and do the rest bit of organizing. The studio has to wait only some more days; I cannot wait to get the brushes out. To one slow, unspectacular, but not at all lost weekend and to tiny steps, turning out big.

January 25, 2012

"on sowing slow"

So far, I have not spoken to a single person today. Not to forget a little phonecall, but the rest had been the studio, Emma and a lot of silence. Oh, wonderful nothing. I am still organizing, sorting out and planning the months ahead, and didn't kick of any creative action yet, but I enjoy the simplicity of these slow-motion-days so much. To concentrate only on a few things at ones, has cleared up a lot of messes and opened several unexpected doors. Suddenly it seems absolutely clear where to head to and what to focus on. This is actually not some new strategie, but usually my middle names aren't Patience or Structure. Something has changed this time, something deep down inside and I hope, it might stay a little. This January comes as a nice surprise, I have to say. So did something else, I found out yesterday. My Norwegian friend Lilli, has shown one of my prints on Good Night, Olivia, her wonderful blog. Lilli is such a talented woman, tears came to my eyes when finding the post. Thank you.

January 21, 2012

"the beauty of misfits"

Beetroots, wonderfully red and juicy, delicious small apples, turnips or tons of herbs, thrown into the bin just because they are too big, too small or have grown somehow unshaped. This is what happens with tons and tons of vegetables and fruits around Germany. And many places else. Every single day, they don't make it into shops and markets because of official regulations. Something is really going wrong here, don't you think. Last night though, we have been invited to a great event. Together with almost two hundred people, we have been peeling and cutting around 1000 kg of those forgotten beauties, while Dj's provided us with marvelous tunes to dance along with. All that food was used to cook a protester's soup, which is going to be handed out during a huge demonstration today. What an effective, smart and fun way to say NO and even more, to sayYES to alternatives.

January 18, 2012

"decision for a perfect prologue"

It always amazes me, how things appear in a different light, simply with a bit of distance. Eighteen days, some errands ran, two sculptures traveling and one accident ahead, the month finally seems to feel like it should do; a fresh start into new adventures. Maybe it's how most of us want to see the beginning of a new year, but it has always inspired me to stick to this habit. And it always has made changes happen. I am feeling much better already. The bruises are fading, so is the anger about the complete hospital affair. Thanks to your incredibly nice emails and all good the wishes, the impression of being alone with my experience has completely dissapeared. It was clear to me along the way, that there are a lot of people with stories like mine, at least from a rational point of view. Emotions are, of course, another story. Today I believe, there is no need for me to feel humble and small, because of somebody else's mistakes. The decision for a perfect prologue; a tune, very pleasant to hum.

January 13, 2012

"the measurement of luck"

Before saying anything else; I am fine. There are still some bruises, strains and a heavy head from a mild concussion, but I am smiling. After a brilliant first week into the fresh year, it appears, I was taking a few steps too many at the same time. Friday morning, instead of making my way into the kitchen, I slipped and crashed, back down on the concrete floor in our bedroom. No stranger to silly accidents, this was really frightening. For a couple of minutes, I simply didn't feel anything below my neck. The husband immediately called for an ambulance and we did the complete thing; paramedics, a stretcher and the ER. Across the city with a suspected broken cervical. And this was, what stood in the room for the next eight hours. "Do not move. At all." I was left, stretched out on one of those unfriendly hospital beds; rotating between some hallway, empty rooms and the next hallway. I don't know if they have been overly busy, if there had been a enormous number of other emergencies, probably they did the best possible. What I do know though, after three hours, I started crying like a baby. Incredibly scared, not able to move, not sure how threatening that injury was, there seemed to be no way out. It is impossible to predict, how we might act under stress or panic. Those tears, and I am usually not quite comfortable when crying in front of others, never came for long, but still, they did come. Suddenly, I didn't care about people passing by or even touching my arm, whispering things like: "It'll be fine." Those tears brought, at least, some relief to the emotional fight going on in my mind. Over the time all the fear started to turn into a good portion of anger. "How could they do that to me? For God's sake, who do they believe I am?" And when, late at night, we finally received the results, including the message: "No fractures.", I friendly thanked the doctor, telling her, that I respect the hard job she is doing, but that I had been in real panic for hours. She answered: "I am sorry, but I didn't know." Strangely enough, I believed her. Back at home and a week ahead now, I am starting to make peace with the whole story. I am glad things turned out to be good and frankly, I am glad to still be around. A friend yesterday wrote to me: "We are never given more than we can handle." I don't know if she is right, but those words gave me some extra strength. To a more easy weekend and to my love, who stood beside me through this horrible week.

January 01, 2012

"a friendly start"

Bringing people together that have not met before, something that will never cease to amaze me. There is not much more to say, than "thank you". The Speak Easy Club taking place at the incredible H├╝ttenpalast.
Thank you, for having us and for making it a memorable night. Today, of course, is a slow one.