November 18, 2012

"a matter of distance & not"

Maybe it was only me, but the last couple of days felt kind of rough and full of conflicts all over the place. Being the endless discussions around my disability parking spot (gosh, you won't believe what people have to say when, more or less friendly, being told off, because they've ignored the sign and have left their car, where they shouldn't), be it old family issues, which we obviously all face once in a while, or on a much bigger level, the complete atmosphere around this grumpy, old town called Berlin. Almost everybody seemed to be more rude and highly offensive. Yesterday for example, I was called a "Parking Spot Nazi". Do people even get, what terrible, silly stuff is jumping out of their mouths sometimes? I don't know, actually. Coming last night, after several encounters like this, I felt so sad and frustrated, that I've closed all the blinds of the Fishbowl quite early and fled to back of the flat, hiding in bed and watching movies. There were even tears, spiced with anger and a good dose of hurt. Yes I know, one should not let the issues of others get this close and even more, should respond in a more reflected way, than this probably has been. But come on, seriously, sometimes a good screaming and crying is necessary. I can't let people run over me like this, being all smiles, and pretending it won't get to me. Sorry, but some things are painful and some situations end up in decent crying, and I do believe it wouldn't be healthy to pretend strength, when feeling weak and rather broken. As long as there comes another day, like this sunday, when the grey backs off, with the first smile you see in the morning and with a caring neighbor, who simply tells you, that she understands where you are coming from.


  1. oh dear, I'm glad you feel better this sunday. and I actually know what you mean. I had lots of this situations when my mother was sick and she owned such a card. it's just unbelievable what people can say. do they even think? I don't think so... people can be so mean and horrible. I try to be strong, dven if I don't feel like it. but it can't last and it always is ending up in crying. and it shoulb be, otherwise we start to be nasty to others... I wish you a nice sunday evening and hope you don't think about it to much!

  2. Oh these days! You have done well with curling up in bed. I even hide underneath the blanket, on those days. It rarely happens but sometimes everything comes together.
    Hormones, rude people, house hunting stress, advice from in laws and a overly stressed partner, while jetlag...I had to curl up one night too.
    And it felt good. And the next day, the storm was over and the sun out again ;) x

  3. oh, I'm sorry to hear. I understand where you are coming from, too. just spoke to Yuna, another friend in Berlin, and she described similar things. especially being called a Nazi all the time when taking a stand (she is or rather looks Korean!!!). it's a strange world. I'm sad about what is happening to Berlin. and I can very much understand how this and all kinds of other things add up to a day in bed and crying and what else. no point in always keeping up a happy façade. these things are part of life! I hope you feel better soon xo

    ps: we should skype! or phone!

  4. thank you for all the nice words, they helped a lot. besides the fact, of having catched a cold (maybe connected to not feeling like the usually me) things look a much smoother today.

    @céline, I believe actual strength is admitting to be weak. and I've decided to stop the personal contact with people who block my spot. will let them been town away by the police. maybe that helps on shifting the focus.hope you're having a great week!

    @liv yes, moving that far is nice, but it is not easy and takes a lot of patience. I remember my man and me having a lot of tricky moments, especially before we lived with others and before we had the hous in nz. in the end, it was all worth it! xx

    @petra you will find me under any news from ava? xo

  5. i so agree with you, of course you need to let your emotions come out (better out than in in this case, right?!) and not just tie them inside your belly.
    that will only explode at one point.
    i am sorry to read about your sadness. but happy that you are acknowledging it and dealing with it that way.

    big warm hug

  6. @sarapirat thank you for your words. I know moments like this are part of the deal called life. and once let out, the sadness starts to turn into something else. when we're lucky. lots of love.