March 01, 2012

"on slammed doors & a gust of wind"

Yesterday the funding for one of my summer projects has been rejected. When opening the letter and reading the text, it really hit me. I actually had taken this funding for granted and believed it would be an easy task to get it. As it worked out perfectly last year, there seemed to be no reason, why it should be any different this time. One can be completely wrong, it turned out. Of course, such things are not that seldom when you work as an artist and it is always some kind of struggle to get enough money for several projects. Not to talk about earning steady money to live from it. There are times, when things get in to a flow and others, when you have to try over and over again. Still, this rejection was so unexpected, for most of the day I was really disapointed and down. Even when the husband came home late at night, I still couldn't adjust to the new situation and to be honest, some tears have been involved too. Then, while telling him what has happened, something started changing though. The original idea was to create a big food installation during one of the art festivals, that are taking place in the area around the Fishbowl regulary. The more we talked about the loss of the base for it, the more my disapointment turned into a sceptical view onto the project itself. Or more, on how I had planned to archive it. Suddenly it seemed the wrong place, the wrong background, simply the wrong way to launch such a beautiful concept. I still am strongly convinced on what I was planning, but today I started to search for other possibilitiesand  for new places. I made a lot of research and talked to some people. Everything is far from being there, but it already feels so much better. Now, that the concept is shifted away from a festival that simply wouldn't fit, everything seems clear and starts falling into places. Sometimes, to conduct something truly sucessful, we need to step back. Sometimes, we need to protect our creative babies and start all over again.

4 comments:

  1. ooohhh, I understand your feelings so well.... Two weeks ago a stipend I applied for got also rejected. It was actually for Berlin (in my head I was already visiting you and the fishbowl...)

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  2. that is actually double sad; it would have been so nice to have you around for coffee or tea. so let's work on new doors opening instead.

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  3. I am sorry to hear about that, but as you said, it will work out for your highest good.
    Something new will show up and things will fall into place.x

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  4. Sweetheart, sometimes you start out with one plan and what you end up with is not that at all, but by then you have forgotten the first plan and embraced the unexpected result. How much I needed to boost you, having been boosted lately myself. Onwards!! x

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